hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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