You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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