The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
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and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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