Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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