i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
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just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
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Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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