I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize