i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize