I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize