R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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