i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
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Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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