She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
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So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
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DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize