I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
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I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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