i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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