note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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