actually, I'm a sock model
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize