I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize