it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
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As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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