I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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