My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
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I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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