I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize