I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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