nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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