he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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