Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize