I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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