You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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