i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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