i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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