The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize