i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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