Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
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Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
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Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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