He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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