We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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