whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
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You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
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I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
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