remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize