Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am available for nakedness
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize