so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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