i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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