she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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