I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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