please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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