Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize