i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
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I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
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My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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