When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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