Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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