There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
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Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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