Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you had me at cake vodka
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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