That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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