I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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