You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize